How people leaders can curate a sense of belonging
In the 1990s, British anthropologist Robin Dunbar made a suggestion that has important implications for the way we lead. He suggested that there is a cognitive limit to the number of people we can have stable social relationships with. He proposed that we can maintain 150 stable relationships. This number has become a kind of misused meme in of itself, with many interesting applications such as the size of a company. Really, what is interesting is to think of this in terms of belonging. Essentially, the larger the group, the more difficult we find it to have a sense of belonging.
Think of it this way, you probably feel very different one-on-one with people than you do in a small group of say 5. You probably feel different again when that group number reaches 15. By the time it reaches 150 you feel very different. Our sense of belonging no doubt diminishes.
Some have reported this to be even more true with remote working or when working in global teams. Yet, having a sense of belonging is important. From a wellbeing perspective it is vital because our fear of exclusion is primal and stressful. When we feel we belong, that stress is lifted and replaced by trust. Not only does this mean that with the stressor gone, we can be healthier and drop the elevated cortisol levels we might feel in a group of strangers, but that increased trust also leads to amazing increases in performance. But it goes further, feeling we belong to a group is incredibly meaningful and meaning is an incredible motivator. When we have something larger than ourselves, psychologically this can lead to far less self-centeredness and therefore far healthier and more effective minds. The team starts looking after each other, and taking responsibility for both individual and shared goals.
So, how might a leader nurture this sense of belonging? Well, if we are inspired by Dunbar’s insight, we might say that it depends on the size of the group. Specifically, we might favour working in small groups where possible. Small groups find it easier to have a sense of belonging, they make decisions faster, they can coordinate and align faster. This insight has been applied nowhere more importantly than in the military and has been encapsulated beautifully by the title of General Stanley McChrystals’ bestselling book A Team of Teams.
The thing is, even small groups need help, it’s just a different kind of leadership than you might know of. In Tom Wujec’s famous marshmallow challenge TED Talk he finds that groups of executives are pretty rubbish at working together, but give them a coach or a facilitator and they are suddenly great. This makes sense. The world’s most pioneering companies in the world are adopting forms of governance where teams instead of having bosses, teams often have facilitators who help the team to find their own answers. Dutch care company Buurtzorg is particularly amazing in this regard, with 14,000 team members split into teams of 12 nurses who make all their own decisions with no bosses and hardly any central functions at all. How do these teams work so well? Facilitators?
So what have we learned so far?
The fostering a sense of belonging is vital
That small groups are easier
That the way to lead these small teams isn’t to lead them at all, but rather to facilitate them leading themselves.
So how do we do that?
To help you put this into practice, here are some things you can do to help your ‘team of teams’ to increase their sense of belonging:
Different metrics: The ‘metrics’ for this kind of leadership are very different. Take a team meeting. When beginning your KPIs should be: % share of voice (how evenly distributed is it); aim to speak as little as possible; are the quiet ones (who normally speak little) starting to share more; are people sharing mistakes, failures, concerns, worries, bad news (this is a sign they feel safe).
Listen! Easy to say but hard to do. Really listen. Without judgement. Help people to be heard. Some of the tips below might help.
Summarise: We often think we have understood each other but in reality we’re leaving with different pictures of the situation; to help bring us closer, summarise what you’re hearing and check with the group that you’re understanding them. This will help them be closer and iron out differences in interpretations.
Ask questions: Aim in a team meeting to ask at least 10 open ended questions, this invites people to participate
Crowdsource your agenda: Allow anybody to add to the agenda. This is important because you as the facilitator are creating a space for anybody to participate
Here are just some of the most tangible examples of ways you can foster belonging in a group. But remember, creating a belonging takes time. Trust takes time. The thing a leader can do is create as many opportunities for sharing in small groups as possible. The more frequently people are able to share in small groups, the more this group will become strong and this scales up to multiple teams until we are able to have a large group of groups inherit and benefit from the trust created at the smaller local levels.
How can you create belonging in your team?
What small groups can you support?
What opportunities do you have to nurture sharing and participation in those small groups?
Belonging is only a few good questions away around a campfire.
Take care.
