The secret to alleviating self-doubt is simple and human
Surely imposter syndrome is one of the most common things for people in leadership positions to feel. A fear of getting caught out. Of lacking confidence. Of self-doubt. But how do we overcome this?
Self-doubt is something so many of our coachees report feeling before starting to work with their coach. And yet so many of them leave saying that they feel they can now be ‘fully themselves’. It’s hard to exaggerate just how valuable a shift that is.
We are all doing two jobs:
1/ our job;
2/ covering up our inadequacies
The thing is the second of those jobs is far more energy-consuming. It’s limbic. It’s basal. It’s caveman brain. Working in a constant fight or flight mode isn’t nice, it’s not efficient and it’s not effective. It’s neither a commercially viable strategy nor a human one. This is why lifting the cloud of self-doubt is so valuable for our performance. It’s like we’re running with a rope holding us back and suddenly we’re off the lead.
The thing is there is actually a secret to lifting this: deep listening. Real, true listening is like meditation for two. It allows us to be fully ourselves and fully accepted by the person who hears us. When we are heard in that way, and accepted in that way, we start to accept ourselves. We start to feel ok, simply being us. When we find stability in that feeling, it can offer a kind of unshakeable confidence. A confidence devoid of hubris or arrogance. More of an inner strength. A sense that even where things are shaking on the surface, we have an anchor in the deep sea that will keep us strong and stable.
It was the legendary psychotherapist and Nobel Prize Runner-Up Carl Rogers who said: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
This is perhaps the most common piece of feedback we get from the majority of business executives who work with our coaches. It is down to what Rogers called ‘Unconditional Positive Regard’ (read his seminal collection of essays On Becoming A Person for an accessible dive into his work). Working with a coach who is a trained psychotherapist is working with someone who is saying ‘You may doubt yourself, but I don’t. And you don’t have to become anybody you aren’t already’. This kind of acceptance is transformative. In the words of one of our clients (a Head of UX in a global recruitment tech firm):
“My biggest challenge was belief and conviction in myself that I can do the job that needs to be done. [...] The sessions I’ve been having with my coach have me understand myself more and work through some of that self-doubt. [...] I’ve learned more about who I am and my personality. [...] The real learning, the light-bulb moment that came out was embracing and holding onto who I am, what my personality is and who my character is rather than seek to change that to what I believe is the personality I should have to play the role. [...] The style of coaching I’ve had has been so much more effective than any other form I’ve had before.”
Working truly as ourselves, free of self-doubt, is liberating and can offer great performance increases. And what’s amazing is that all it needs is to really hear and accept ourselves. And it’s the fact we hear ourselves better when we’re heard by others, that has been behind our decision at The Listening Collective to work with coaches who are trained psychotherapists.
Are you experiencing self-doubt? Are you looking for the confidence you need to perform in your role? Or are you looking to provide ability to the leaders of your organisation of today and tomorrow? If so, we’d love to hear from you and help you to achieve your potential, which you already have.
